Existential Kink: Why Shame Turns Me On

A book review about shame, desire, and the parts of us we hide

One of the things I’ve learned about myself is this: when something sparks my curiosity, acting on it right away tends to lead me exactly where I’m meant to go. That’s how I found myself reading Existential Kink.

I knew very little about the book before I picked it up. I’d heard it was a little woo-woo, a little philosophical, sprinkled with self-help, which is basically my love language. But I wasn’t prepared for how much I would genuinely resonate with what it had to offer.

I’ve spent years, maybe decades at this point, working with my shadow self. I’ve done enough affirmations, meditations, and somatic practices to earn some kind of spiritual punch card. And still, I always felt like I couldn’t go deep enough to fully touch the thing I was trying to heal.

As a Scorpio sun and moon, depth is my home. So, finding a book that turns depth into a hallway that leads even deeper? I devoured it.

What surprised me even more was the way it invited me to sit with the duality of both the shadow se…